Lol: Man Sues Unilever Nig. makers of Close-up Toothpaste because he couldn't Attract Single Girls

In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment

for Unilever Nigeria Limited (UNL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case

against the company, which owns the Close Up toothpaste brand, for

'cheating' and causing him 'mental suffering'.

The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even

though he's been using Close-Up toothpaste for over seven years now.

Close-Up advertisements suggest that the product helps men in

instantly attracting women by letting their breaths out.

Anthony Olatunfe, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used,

unused and half-used Close-Up tubes to the court, and demanded a

laboratory test of the products. Anthony was pushed to take this step

when his female boss slapped his face when he tried to kiss her after

brushing his teeth with the Close-Up toothpaste.

"Where is the Close-Up effect? I've been waiting for it for over seven

years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed

to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I'm sure they

could smell my breath. I always brush my teeth with so much close up

gel to make sure the girls get turned on by my fresh breath as they

usually show on TV. "

Anthony claims that he had been using the toothpaste as per the

company's instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that

if he couldn't experience the Close-Up effect despite using the

product as directed, either the company was making false claims or

selling fake products.

"I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away

from direct light or heat. I brushed my teeth morning and night. I did

everything they instructed. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for

coming near my toothpaste, as they had instructed to keep away from

children's reach. And yet, all I get is a slap from my boss." Anthony

expressed his frustration.

Unilever has officially declined to comment on the case citing the

subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company is

worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might

argue that Anthony was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and

didn't possess the bare minimum requirements for the Close-Up effect

to take place. Officially Unilever has not issued any statement, but

legal experts believe that they could have tough time convincing the

court.

"Unilever might be tempted to argue that Anthony is too ugly to

attract a girl, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate

the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract

women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry

and date absolutely unattractive guys. I'd suggest that the company

settles this issue out of court." Barrister Festus Keyamo said.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

14 Suspected Gay Men Attacked By Mob In Abuja

Image
A mob armed with wooden clubs and iron bars, screaming that they were going to "cleanse" their neighborhood of gay people, dragged 14 young men from their beds and assaulted them, human rights activists said Saturday. Four of the victims were marched to a police station, where they allegedly were kicked and punched by police officers who yelled pejoratives at them, said Ifeanyi Orazulike of the International Center on Advocacy for the Right to Health. Police threatened that the men would be incarcerated for 14 years, he said, the maximum prison sentence under Nigeria's new Same Sex Marriage (Prohibition) Act, dubbed the "Jail the Gays" law. Activists have warned the law could trigger attacks such as the one perpetrated in the early hours of Thursday morning in Abuja, the capital of Africa's most populous nation. Mob justice is common in Nigeria and civil rights organizations have been warning for years of an increase in community violence and the government...
Read more

African Gays Now Seek Refuge In Abidjan

Image
Following the declaration of homosexuality as illegal in Nigeria, Uganda and other African countries, the perpetrators of the act are now seeking refuge in countries where their laws are less stringent. One of these nations is Cote d'Ivoire. No kissing, no petting. As gay bars go, this one is pretty well-behaved. But the crowd packing the Abidjan venue is relaxed and happy to be part of this haven of tolerance on a hostile continent. "In a gay club, we are much freer than in straight places," 22-year-old student Jacques tells AFP, looking on as three men sway their hips to Ivorian music on the dance floor. "We get no strange looks. Here we can unwind, feel at ease and let ourselves go." One man gently strokes his companion's neck but displays of affection stop there. The strict social codes prevailing in Ivory Coast apply here too. The patrons include several transvestites, one a 20-year-old teacher who goes by the name Malika, and who has been living as a w...
Read more

Sepp Blatter Found To Have Dated Cristiano Ronaldo's Ex Irina Shayk

Image
Cristiano Ronaldo's ex girlfriend (dated for five years), Irina Shayk has been accused of having an affair with disgraced FIFA President, Sepp Blatter.  A Spanish daily newspaper, El Mundo made the claims above in an article title, 'All the women in Blatter's life' published yesterday, June 4.  According to the paper, the 79-year-old 'had a relationship' with the Russian beauty after dating tennis player Ilona Boguska but before meeting glamorous Linda Barras, 50.  The paper writes that Blatter and Shayk's relationship lasted sometime between 2002 and 2014. Meanwhile Shayk began dating the Real Madrid striker from 2012 until earlier in 2015.  The article was written by El Mundo's Berlin-based correspondent Rosalia Sanchez and after the article became international acclaimed, she said (June5) that the Russian had been named by a 'Swiss source' during her investigation on Blatter's love life.  Headlines about the supposed affair appeared on new...
Read more