Lol: Man Sues Unilever Nig. makers of Close-up Toothpaste because he couldn't Attract Single Girls

In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment

for Unilever Nigeria Limited (UNL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case

against the company, which owns the Close Up toothpaste brand, for

'cheating' and causing him 'mental suffering'.

The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even

though he's been using Close-Up toothpaste for over seven years now.

Close-Up advertisements suggest that the product helps men in

instantly attracting women by letting their breaths out.

Anthony Olatunfe, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used,

unused and half-used Close-Up tubes to the court, and demanded a

laboratory test of the products. Anthony was pushed to take this step

when his female boss slapped his face when he tried to kiss her after

brushing his teeth with the Close-Up toothpaste.

"Where is the Close-Up effect? I've been waiting for it for over seven

years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed

to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I'm sure they

could smell my breath. I always brush my teeth with so much close up

gel to make sure the girls get turned on by my fresh breath as they

usually show on TV. "

Anthony claims that he had been using the toothpaste as per the

company's instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that

if he couldn't experience the Close-Up effect despite using the

product as directed, either the company was making false claims or

selling fake products.

"I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away

from direct light or heat. I brushed my teeth morning and night. I did

everything they instructed. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for

coming near my toothpaste, as they had instructed to keep away from

children's reach. And yet, all I get is a slap from my boss." Anthony

expressed his frustration.

Unilever has officially declined to comment on the case citing the

subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company is

worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might

argue that Anthony was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and

didn't possess the bare minimum requirements for the Close-Up effect

to take place. Officially Unilever has not issued any statement, but

legal experts believe that they could have tough time convincing the

court.

"Unilever might be tempted to argue that Anthony is too ugly to

attract a girl, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate

the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract

women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry

and date absolutely unattractive guys. I'd suggest that the company

settles this issue out of court." Barrister Festus Keyamo said.