"Waec held my English result 3 times" -Patrick Obahiagbon
of Staff to the Edo State Governor, Patrick Obahiagbon speaks.
Excerpts below...
Why do you always speak 'big
grammar'?
I am not really consensus ad idem
with those who opine that my idiolect
is advertently obfuscative. No no no,
it's just that I am in my elements
when the colloquy has to do with the
pax nigeriana of our dreams and one
necessarily needs to fulminate
against the alcibiadian modus vivendi
of our prebendal political class.
How did you start speaking in this
manner?
It all happened when my father
brought me a teaser which stated
that good orators had ruled the world
and you must have to be a feisty
orator if you must rule the world. As
an impressionable young man, I
alacritously threw myself into the
whirligig of improving my usage of
words by amassing new words on a
daily basis.
How do you talk to your wife,
children and even your friends?
I relate with my family and friends very
warmly and in an atmosphere of
camaraderie, stripped of my
confutational habiliment and
gladiatorial homilies. I am a very
peaceful, calm, level-headed and
celestially attuned soul personality.
Is this the way you proposed to
your wife, speaking high tech
grammar?
Of course, the business of the day
when I interfaced with my wife on
matters of the heart had to be in plain
Caeser's language and you can
decipher why that had to be so. The
matter in view did not permit itself of
sphinxian conundrum.
It's a long time ago, so I can't
remember the exact words I used. We
had a relationship for ten years before
we got married. We're looking at close
to 20 years ago.
Did you write exams in school in
these big words?
I used such words very-very freely in
my exams both at the secondary
school and in my university and little
wonder I had the misfortune of my
English results being seized
intermittently in my O' Levels. WAEC
released my results for the other
subjects and withheld my English
result. This happened for about three
years. Twice, I passed the University
Matriculation Examination but I could
not proceed to the University because
of my English results that were not
released. At the end of the day, it was
released after the third attempt.
How many dictionaries do you read
a day and how often do you read
dictionaries?
I have read and still do read a
vaudeville of dictionaries from Websters
to Funk and Wagnalls, from Cambridge
to Oxford dictionaries, from Black's Law Dictionary to Encarta and from
Encyclopedia Britannica to Foreignisms,
etcetera. I developed my corpus of
vocabulary by reading omnivorously. I have also spent nothing less than an
hour daily on my dictionary for over
twenty years. So, whereas the
dictionary for most people is a mere
occasional reference point, it is for, me
a vade-mecum. It may also interest you
to know that there is much to learn
from our daily newspapers.
Was English your best subject?
My best subject in secondary school
was government and religion and am
sure that I was drawn to religion
because, I now know as a student of
Rosicrucian mysticism, that I was a
student of divine light in my last
incarnation. As for government, I just
fell in love with the subject due to my
early attraction in life to issues of
political-economy.
So what did you score in English
language?
English language was of course my
hobbyhorse and passion but like I
earlier asseverated, my results were
constantly guillotined to my utter
chagrin that I had to lapse into a
jeremiad of lachrymoseim for a period
of aeon. I would need to check the
result again to be sure of my score.
Do you pray the same way you
speak?
God understands all languages, my
brother and I pray to God using any
word that pops up. May I posit that the
key points in prayers are your sincerity,
purity of heart, walking within the
compass and to what extent are you
ready and worthy of receiving the
benediction of the cosmic and the
cosmic masters because as we say in
mysticism- "when the students are
ready, the masters would appear."
Take my words my brother that more
than seventy per cent of humanity
don't know how to pray but that is a
matter for another day.
Do you know that many people
don't take you too seriously when
you talk because they think you are
not communicating
Why will I be perturbed from
ensconcing myself in the palatable
arms of Morpheus because people have
deprived themselves of the cultivation
of the regime of the mental
magnitude? I read all the farrago of
baloneys and vacuous bunkum from
pepper soup objurgators. The spirit of
animadversion remains their
fundamental human right. It also
remains an indubitable fact that I get
millions and millions of requests daily
from people all over the world
requesting for my verbal mentorship
which positive cosmopolitan reactions
have assisted my equipoise and
righteous sense of pachydermatous
garb. I cannot put my nose to the
grindstone daily and expect to be
understood by those luxuriating in a
modus vivendi, verging on pepper
souping, goat heading, suyaing, big
stouting and isiewulising. Has a
philosophical wag not once pontificated
that things of the spirit are spiritually
discerned and that it takes the deep to
call the deep?
We will speak more on
this matter of critiques and chichi dodo
another day.
Why do you pull your trousers up
beyond the waist?
Hahahaha….That trousers style is called Yohji Yamamoto. It was my own
audacious statement to remonstrate
against the pervasive tendency of
Nigerians especially our youths that
took to the practice of putting on
trousers exposing their lower
anatomical contours and I will do it over and over again.
Lol
Comments
Post a Comment